A man, nearing his end of days on the earth, told his wife, “I’m determined to take my life savings with me when I die.” He instructed her to pack up all their money into a suitcase, which he promptly stuffed into a corner of the attic of his house.
He gleefully told her, “This is what I’m going to do– after I die, I’m going to grab the suitcase on the way up. I’ll take it all with me and be rich in the afterlife!”
So the day came, and the man died. His wife hesitated for a few days, but she could bear the suspense no longer. She timidly walked up the stairs to the attic, only to find the suitcase with money still sitting in the corner, untouched.
She pondered for a moment, then exclaimed, “Oh dear! I suppose we should have put the money in the basement.”
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A newly deceased man approached the Pearly Gates, carrying a heavy sack. He walked up to St. Peter at the gate. Peter spotted the bag, and stopped the man from continuing through the gates.
“Sir, I’m sorry; you can’t take anything with you beyond this gate.”
The man stopped in shock. He looked at St. Peter and said, “I’ve worked my entire life for what’s in this bag! I refuse to leave it behind!”
St. Peter repeated his statement, “Sir, I’m sorry, but you cannot take this with you. That’s our policy.”
The man was adamant. “I’m not going in unless I can take it with me!”
Peter’s curiosity was slightly aroused. “Sir, what is in that bag that is so precious?”
The man, beaming with joy, opened up the bag and hefted out a very large, shiny gold brick. He held it up for Peter to admire.
Peter stared. “Pavement?!?”




October 18th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
I stumbled across your blog this evening, and you have me in stitches so far! I love your no holds barred attitude! Keep it up!
October 19th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
What Jude said!
Those are great jokes! LOL.
(I love the smileys also) –>
October 19th, 2009 at 8:56 pm
ROFL clean and funny. Great jokes
October 22nd, 2009 at 12:28 pm
those are the dumbest jokes! but what is really funny is that just last week our 90 year old neighbor told those exact same jokes to one of my daughters
love your blog