Dec
21 2009
Having guests over for the holidays? Yeah, I hate it, too. Here are some tips to make them think twice about crashing at your house next year!
- Make lattes with hideous faces in the whipped cream.
- Rent a dozen cats and place the litterboxes in various places (living room, bathroom, kitchen)
- Play only one song; Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Round the Christmas Tree,” ALL day long. When guests start to complain, pout that it’s the only Christmas song you have and that you NEVER get the perfect gift.
- Buy only bulky fitness equipment as gifts, and keep the receipts.
- Wait for your mother-in-law to arrive, then start a discussion about politics.
- Wait for your father-in-law to arrive, then start a discussion about religion.
- Leave Ann Coulter books or Al Franken books lying around the house.
- Serve garlic-flavored jelly beans in the candy dishes.
- Serve that nasty Jones “Tofurkey & Gravy Soda” as a drink.*barf*
- Go “Filapino” for dinner, and serve a pig’s head on a platter, with balut for a side dish! *Warning* Do not click link if your stomach is weaker then your curiosity.
- Invite families with small children, and place your breakable knick-knacks at their level! For an added touch: stock only one high-chair/booster seat in the house.
moar funny pictures
I’m sure your guests will have a day they’ll never forget. And it will ensure that next year, everybody will be meeting at Aunt Bertha’s house and not yours! Have a merry Christmas, everyone!
By the way, I don’t “do” Christmas, so I admit that I get smug satisfaction watching all of you scurry around like little ferrets while I can lean back, relax, and sip my espresso. *cackle*
December 21st, 2009 at 2:19 pm
I’m going to be missing the big Christmas “do” at my sister’s this year because my ultra-shy daughter will be here from Louisiana and she wants a very quiet family Christmas celebration with just her mom and dad. Go figure.
December 21st, 2009 at 2:40 pm
Ooo, Patricia, she sounds like a wonderful person, wanting you all to herself! Does she blog? Her hermit-like ways and hating large groups may make room for a burgeoning career as a crabby blogging lady! Plus, maybe I could outsource someday!
Have a wonderful holiday.
December 21st, 2009 at 5:57 pm
These are hilarious! Do they make garlic-flavored jelly beans???
Visiting from Entrecard.
December 23rd, 2009 at 12:45 pm
My kind of entertaining advice! With inlaws in town I can’t wait to talk about politics and religion
December 23rd, 2009 at 9:56 pm
Yes, there ARE garlic-flavored jelly beans.
Margo- me, too!