Crabby Blogging Lady

What DRIVEL! What insanity! It’s outrageous!

People– I live in the stupidest state in the union– yes! It’s even worse than California! Because in California, at least you have fruits and nuts! Here. we have CONTROL FREAKS!

Our state is going bankrupt. The government is totally corrupt. The government is slashing everything, and they’re coming up with billions and billions of new taxes to *try* to pay the bills. OK OK– I exaggerate. The government isn’t slashing EVERYTHING. Their cushy government jobs, with paid vacations and health care plans are all intact. I stand corrected.

But is our government concerned about which foreign country will buy us out to put us in the black ink again? NO! They are concerned about SALT! New York State wants to outlaw SALT!

…a bill [has been] introduced in the New York Legislature that, if passed, would ban the use of salt in restaurant cooking.

“No owner or operator of a restaurant in this state shall use salt in any form in the preparation of any food for consumption by customers of such restaurant, including food prepared to be consumed on the premises of such restaurant or off of such premises,” the bill, A. 10129 , states in part.

The legislation, which Assemblyman Felix Ortiz , D-Brooklyn, introduced on March 5, would fine restaurants $1,000 for each violation.

IDJITS IDJITS IDJITS IDJITS!!!!!!!

I say they should outlaw themselves! New York politicians are terrible for our health. I feel like I’m about to be hospitalized right now!

Salt is not bad for us, you dunderheads! And even if it was, you’d take that wonderful, most elemental seasoning away from us?! It’s the ONLY thing left in this blasted state that makes us HAPPY! Why don’t they just quit their fooling around and outlaw happiness outright?! Why all this pussyfooting around, huh?

IDJITS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Please– Ohio, Montana, even Pennsylvania for God’s sake– save us! Take us over! Get these jerks away from us, PLEASE. I’ll even consider being absorbed by a Greater New Jersey… wait, no. I just can’t go that far. Well, Pennsylvania, at any rate! Save us!!!! We’re drowning in stupidity and wickedness here.

“Judge not, lest you be judged.” Matthew 7:1

Yep! That’s what it is!

If I wasn’t feeling so darn lousy from this miserable cold I have, I’d be ranting about this issue. But I’m just not my wonderfully crabby old self when I’m sick. And boy, am I SICK.

I hate being sick, HATE IT. And I’m too tired to think. My sinuses are about to burst out through my corneas. So instead, I’ll let Greg Laurie do the ranting this time. He does a pretty good job, too!

This is usually said about the time you say something they consider “judgmental.” And what constitutes a “judgmental” statement? It’s basically anything about which you have an absolute opinion, and they happen to disagree with it. It’s a situation where you would dare to say something as controversial and unkind as, “No, that’s wrong!”

The response is usually pretty heated. “Who are YOU to judge ME? Doesn’t the Bible say ‘Judge not lest you be judged’?”

By the way, that verse isn’t saying we shouldn’t judge; it is saying we shouldn’t condemn. And no true believer in Jesus should do that. The fact is, I think Christians are the most loving, the most open and the most accepting of others. You can usually find the most narrow-minded people among the ranks of those who claim to be broad-minded. It’s true, isn’t it? Personally, I have found that those who often claim to be the most accepting are in reality the most unaccepting.

A true Christian bases his or her ideas and opinions on a biblical worldview. Non-believers will also have their opinions, based on a secular worldview. Ironically, they will say that they have no worldview, but they really do. They will say they are open to everything, but in reality they are quite closed.

It boils down to this: Everyone has a right to their opinion today EXCEPT the one holding a biblical worldview. Those with a secular viewpoint would rather we just went away quietly, and didn’t express our opinion at all.

So settle down in some cushy contemporary furniture and read the whole thing. The guy makes SENSE, I tell ya!

I’ll be back when this cold is gone. If I survive that long! Gah!

I’m quite, quite sure that the ONLY reason Google and the NSA are teaming up is to help protect Google, yes yes.

Google to enlist NSA to help it ward off cyberattacks

The world’s largest Internet search company and the world’s most powerful electronic surveillance organization are teaming up in the name of cybersecurity.

Under an agreement that is still being finalized, the National Security Agency would help Google analyze a major corporate espionage attack that the firm said originated in China and targeted its computer networks, according to cybersecurity experts familiar with the matter. The objective is to better defend Google — and its users — from future attack.

Sources familiar with the new initiative said the focus is not figuring out who was behind the recent cyberattacks — doing so is a nearly impossible task after the fact — but building a better defense of Google’s networks, or what its technicians call “information assurance.”

…Despite such precedent, Matthew Aid, an expert on the NSA, said Google’s global reach makes it unique.

“When you rise to the level of Google . . . you’re looking at a company that has taken great pride in its independence,” said Aid, author of “The Secret Sentry,” a history of the NSA. “I’m a little uncomfortable with Google cooperating this closely with the nation’s largest intelligence agency, even if it’s strictly for defensive purposes.”

The pact would be aimed at allowing the NSA help Google understand whether it is putting in place the right defenses by evaluating vulnerabilities in hardware and software and to calibrate how sophisticated the adversary is. The agency’s expertise is based in part on its analysis of cyber-”signatures” that have been documented in previous attacks and can be used to block future intrusions.

The NSA would also be able to help the firm understand what methods are being used to penetrate its system, the sources said. Google, for its part, may share information on the types of malicious code seen in the attacks — without disclosing proprietary data about what was taken, which would concern shareholders, sources said.

Greg Nojeim, senior counsel for the Center for Democracy & Technology, a privacy advocacy group, said companies have statutory authority to share information with the government to protect their rights and property.

So… because Google has crappy security, some chatty employees, and China is spying on us (even though P-BO just took China off our “nations to watch for spying on us” list), we need to monitor the Americans more! How come it’s like this every single time– every times somebody attacks US, WE get fewer freedoms and are monitored more?!?!

Are Americans REALLY this stupid? Will Americans really buy into this crap??

probably.

Our country bought into the 9-11/Patriot Act fiasco…. the “stimulus” packages… the “too big to fail” crap… the health care “reform” crap that will enslave us to the 3rd generation to pay for it… the Savings & Loans of the 90s… the RFID chips in OUR passports… the “separation of church and state” lie… it’s just too, too much sometimes. Our country (and therefore our freedoms) is going to hell in a handbasket. Hello?! Yet what’s the biggest concern for most Americans– Taylor Swift, Tiger Woods scandals, and Brangelina divorcing?!

What is going on?!

Yeah, I’m depressed. It’s really rough to be working 28-hour days and barely scraping by, enduring the gloomy January cold, and reading the worst headlines in history, all the while public officials are having a bonfire with the Constitution in outdoor fireplaces. They’re not even sneaky about trashing our liberties anymore– they’re arrogant enough to wipe it all over our faces! And even worse, a large proportion of the population does not care!!

Well, this just made my crabby day: The Environmental Working Group’s Drinking Water Quality Report website. You can go to the website and punch in your zip code, and see how contaminated your water supply is.

OUTRAGEOUS!!!! OUTRAGEOUS!!!!

In my area, the water is LOADED with chloroform, trihalomethanes, barium, dichloroacetic acid, Bromodichloromethane, radium, and Di (2-ethylhexyl) phthalate. I feel sick.

New York State has some of the worst water– it’s probably safer to drink water from the cesspools of Ethiopia than Upstate water! You want to know why?? Because for centuries, Upstate NY was a manufacturing empire, and factories dumped all their toxic crap into the waters or onto the ground. When taxes started to get sky-high starting in the late 50s, companies pulled out as quick as they could before New York could slap them with “brownfield” waste cleanup in the 70s.

Plus, our water supply is filled with toxic waste from the sewer system. Yes! Go visit your local water treatment plant for a lovely education. The sewage waste is piped into the water treatment facilities, where the sewage is “recycled” into drinkable water (so they say) and funneled back into the drinking water system. Thinking about it makes me gag. But then there’s the added problem of drug use in the population itself. People take medication (and other drugs, like best diet pills and etc), and all that crap (haha) goes into the sewer, where it’s recycled, and sent back into the water supply. The sewage treatment facility cannot prevent the drugs from entering the water supply. There was a big news story a few years ago, about the water supply contamination in Albany, our state capital city. Large amounts of ED drugs like Viagara and Cialis were found in the water supply. DISGUSTING!

How do you think this affects the populace?!

Add this to all the flouride they dump into our water–which has proven to do NOTHING against dental caries but it does make the populace dopey–and this is looking more like involuntary manslaughter! I can’t believe that the municipalities actually would WANT to poison us and kill us off… would they?

Would they?

Here it is, folks! The All-Purpose, Industrial Size Crabby Generator! It’s just in time for the new year, and it’s SURE to make your friends people you know and family aggravated, right after they’ve made those lame resolutions to be kinder, gentler, nicer, and get better rates on rv financing (heh heh, how’s that one, huh?). This will prove if they really mean to keep those resolutions, or are just following the other lemmings with all that phony resolution stuff.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. (I do something like this– purely on accident!– all too often)
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “hush money.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. And cackle while you do it.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophecy.”
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. (I do this all the time, and it really works!)
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
16. Staple pages in the middle top of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers. (I do this; I also very sweetly say, “Excuse you” to shoppers blocking the aisles at WalMart.)
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
    “What?”
    “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat. (I have a nephew who has done something similar. Believe me, it DOES make a person crabby. VERY VERY crabby)
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “SWAT Team raid” “IRS,” and “ATF Bureau.”

moar funny pictures
Thanks to Chilly at On the Bricks for posting it. I slightly amended the list to make it even more delicious.

Having guests over for the holidays? Yeah, I hate it, too. Here are some tips to make them think twice about crashing at your house next year!

• Make lattes with hideous faces in the whipped cream.


moar funny pictures

• Rent a dozen cats and place the litterboxes in various places (living room, bathroom, kitchen)
• Play only one song; Brenda Lee’s “Rockin’ Round the Christmas Tree,” ALL day long. When guests start to complain, pout that it’s the only Christmas song you have and that you NEVER get the perfect gift.



• Buy only bulky fitness equipment as gifts, and keep the receipts.
• Wait for your mother-in-law to arrive, then start a discussion about politics.
• Wait for your father-in-law to arrive, then start a discussion about religion.
• Leave Ann Coulter books or Al Franken books lying around the house.
• Serve garlic-flavored jelly beans in the candy dishes.
• Serve that nasty Jones “Tofurkey & Gravy Soda” as a drink.*barf*
• Go “Filapino” for dinner, and serve a pig’s head on a platter, with balut for a side dish! *Warning* Do not click link if your stomach is weaker then your curiosity.
• Invite families with small children, and place your breakable knick-knacks at their level! For an added touch: stock only one high-chair/booster seat in the house.

I’m sure your guests will have a day they’ll never forget. And it will ensure that next year, everybody will be meeting at Aunt Bertha’s house and not yours! Have a merry Christmas, everyone!

By the way, I don’t “do” Christmas, so I admit that I get smug satisfaction watching all of you scurry around like little ferrets while I can lean back, relax, and sip my espresso. *cackle*