Feb 24 2011
Mr. Crabby and I have been searching for a new family vehicle FOR MONTHS and so far our efforts have been fruitless. FRUITLESS!!! We even have the money in hand, ready to slap down on the dealer’s table, but we can find nothing appropriate for our family of 6.
Yes. SIX. We have FOUR offspring. And I would *kinda* like to have seats in the vehicle for every one of them, plus the two adults. I guess a couple of the runts can be strapped to the roof rack, but during our rugged winters, that might be considered a little mean….
But we go into a car dealership and the people look at us like we are a rerun from The Waltons. SIX. They can’t believe it. They count us, several times. One, two, three, four… OMG HOW MANY PEOPLE DO YOU HAVE?!
If we lived in California, I’d be called a “breeder.” But here in New York State, they like big families. Because when they look at us, they see walking tax dollars and “surcharges” and “fees” and “tariffs.” They cackle and gleefully rub their hands together, tabulating the millions of dollars in taxes we’ll reap in for them and all the expensive utilities we will consume for them.
Yeah, it’s just SO. GREAT. to be wanted.
Anyway. We cant find a vehicle big enough for all of us. Except a minivan. And I DO NOT WANT another minivan!!! If I have to endure the bloated elephant on wheels for another two decades, I’ll scream. Those things drop transmissions like rabbits drop pellets. Holy cow. I have had to replace a transmission on EVERY SINGLE minivan, and some more than once! Ya can’t just run to the local convenience store and grab one, you know. They *only* cost $2000 to $3000. And then you’re without a car for a week or two. Which brings us back to the original problem of finding a car that seats SIX!
Can we just move to the Netherlands, maybe, and ride bikes together?
Someone please tell me WHY even the hugest SUV only seats 5? Oh, unless you get a gas-guzzling Suburban that will need to be refilled every 2 miles. And with gas here in Upstate NY at $4 a gallon, I might as WELL move to the Netherlands. There, everyone is so skinny you’d think they’ve got slimming tablets in the drinking water, and they whizwhizwhiz around so effortlessly on the bikes. Here in America, we’ve got cars the size of army tanks with FIVE piddly seat belts. Something just ain’t right.
Maybe the Amish are having a sale on buggys?