Crabby Blogging Lady

Well, I had to mow the lawn today.

I HATE it. I HATE it. It’s the weekly spring and summer chore… it’s SUCH a pain, I hate doing it weekly. I try to make it through the month without doing it, but then the neighbors start their whinin’ and complainin’ like little babies.

What? What’s that?

I’m not talking about cutting the turf grass, silly!!

I’m talking about shaving my legs!

Yeah, I finally did it. I needed a tractor, nearly.

sighhhh

Boy am I in a grouchy mood today, almost as bad as the morning after the 2008 Election. GAH! The country is going to hell in a handbasket and idiotic Americans are more concerned with basketball games!!! I’m too crabby to be creative, even.

So to perk me up, I browsed through some vintage funny graphics. These are borrowed from others’ Photobucket albums… so if the images no longer appear, it’s all THEIR fault for going over bandwidth! Unfortunately, many of the graphics at Photobucket are vulgar. I don’t find them funny, not at ALL. Why do women think that swearing and dirty humor on par with sailors is humorous? Of course, I don’t think women should be the addle-brained idiots as depicted in the 1940s and 50s, concerned only with cooking dinners and face moisturizers, but they shouldn’t be filthy-minded, swearing bimbos, either. So anyway, I tried to pick out the best sans swearing and sex-talk. It was tough!

One of my favorites:

I knew I liked Vincent Price.

Perfect!

I love this one.

And finally, truth and justice triumph over all. Don’t they look cute in their aprons?

Well, here’s a distraction from all the crappy news we’ve had to endure lately. Gag gifts! I love gag gifts! They are perfect for expressing how you truly feel about people!

Send this in to your Congressman!

This is bad, I know. But funny! And for most men, it’s absolutely true! Also– if it came with the arrow pointing upwards toward the mouth, you could give this gift to your Congressman, too! It’s not unlike the “diarrhea of the mouth” quick trim fast cleanse reviews t-shirts I’ve seen. I wonder if the company does special order? Because it would make a great gift for Al Gore!

Here are some other “truth in advertising” t-shirts:

The mugs are exceptional.

For the Redneck with style:

This is a talking toilet paper holder. Haha! Great for public places or to install during the holidays, when your home is infested with guests.

Speaking of infested, how about this nifty accessory? This is GREAT for the holidays!!! If this won’t keep those Christmas busybodies away from your comfortable home, then I don’t know what will.

Finally, here’s a nice gift for the child or grandchild. Funny thing is, the kid will never know how goofy he looks! And if he does know, then he’s TOO OLD to be sucking on a pacifier and you need to quit being so soft on your kid. Sheesh, where’s your respect for your own child??

I usually don’t buy gag gifts, because I think they are tasteless. But that Toxic Vent t-shirt has me intrigued. I may get that one.

Photos and gifts here: TalkingPresents, WasteSomeCash (I love their honesty), Zazzle.

It took me a sec…

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

heehee Bad I know. But funny.

Thanks to all who have wished me a speedy recovery. It ain’t working. Oh, maybe a LITTLE… my sinuses are no longer screaming 500 decibels all night… but I’m still hacking, sneezing, sniffling… still posting LOL Cats cuz I’m just not feeling the creativity here…

I’ll SURVIVE. I suppose. I hate sickness, HATE IT. So unfair.

I haven’t watched a State of the Union address in a long, long, time… probably not since G.H.W. Bush. And it wasn’t pretty even back then.

But I JUST may decide to watch it! Know why? Because I got a card for Barack Bingo! Or, as I call it, P-BO Bingo! Come on, kids, let’s play!

How to Play: Mark off any words that President Barack Obama uses in his State of the Union speech tomorrow night.

Oh sure, I know good ol’ P-BO will be distracted with his teleprompter (it would be SO COOL if it malfunctioned tonight!) and all the glittering security cameras. But there’s a pretty good chance that I’ll score a BINGO. He hasn’t let us down yet!

Now I have to figure out where to get a TV so I can watch….

Wonder if this lady got her “buck” back after this surprise in her meal.

BWAHAHAHA!! I am just hilarious!!!

A customer at a local fast food restaurant in Newport, VA., claims to have gotten more than she bargained for when she received her order.

Katherine Ortega alleges that she found a fried chicken head in the box of chicken wings she ordered Wednesday.

Ortega said someone who wasn’t looking closely could have easily mistaken the chicken’s head for another piece of chicken like a leg or a wing. The chicken’s beak, the cone on top of its head and some feathers are visible.

Ortega said she wants to know how the chicken’s head could have made it past inspectors and into the hands of a customer.

“I usually look at my food, but I shouldn’t have to look that closely to see that,” Ortega said. “My 5-year-old probably wouldn’t have looked. He probably would have thought it was a chicken leg and eaten it.”

This lady must be a first-time mom. Cuz if you’ve had as many 5-years olds as I have, eating a cooked and fried chicken head doesn’t even BEGIN to scratch the surface, especially if the kid is a boy.

And oh sure, if he’d bit into that fried beak, no doubt he’d need some dental implants Plano pronto… but if the stomach doesn’t need pumping, it must be OK. Kids are like rubber and their stomachs like cast iron, I always say. HA!

Photo and story from Cybersalt.