Crabby Blogging Lady

I am a professional blogger and webmaster. I work, FOR PAY, to mention certain products and companies, ok? Just like everyone else, I gotta put the bread and butter on the table.

So it really steams me to get a flood of emails, day after day, from two-bit, upstart companies requesting that I write about them. FOR FREE. As if I have nothing better to do than blog about Do-It-Yourself Ginsu Acupuncture LED Pens from Ronco or eyeglasses with “convenient” mini windshield wipers or whatever.

Hellooooo. I write about serious, USEFUL stuff, like high-quality hunting binoculars (see?)!

Look at some of these emails I’ve been getting. And the weird thing is, I don’t get them from time to time, I get them ALL the time, in massive bunches! What’s going on?

At —–.com we have developed a new photo sharing service that makes it incredibly easy to share images privately and within groups. I’m trying to spread the word about our service, and think your readers would be interested in what it can do…. I’d be really happy if you decide to write a short post about —–. As we expand our services, I’d be glad to keep you informed of changes to the site.

Oh really? So you guys at —–.com KNOW what my readers want, huh? And how would you know that? Do you guys at —–.com regularly read my blogs? HAH, I think not. And do it for FREE?? Are you guys insane?
:fryingpan:

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Whilst doing a Google search, i came across your site because i am looking to get published online.I am a freelance writer and have written an article entitled “Teak: Worth the Wait”.
The article i have written, may seem to me that your audience might be interested in the topic, but you would know much better than i.You will have the exclusive on it, if you agree to publish the article.
There’s no cost to you for the articles because i am simply looking to build my online reputation, all i ask from you is that you publish the articles “as it is”, leaving my author bio at the bottom of the article intact.
Please give me a quick email if you would like to review the article.

:roll: This one is trying to appeal to my tender heart toward writers, isn’t he? Well, if he EVEN BOTHERED TO READ MY BLOG, he’d know that I am a heartless monster who has no intention of pimping my web space FOR FREE. If you want to publish articles, bub, get your own blog.

Happy New Year! I’m a Community Manager at — —-, a social media agency based in —, and I’ve been following your blog. I notice that you do some really great product reviews on your blog! I think you’d be really interested in this opportunity from Buick so, I wanted to reach out about an exciting new program that I hope you’ll share with your audience.

Something exciting is coming from Buick. A new kind of design and luxury. At the same time, Buick is launching a major social initiative and you’ve been hand picked to participate in an exclusive first promotion. We’re only reaching out to a select group of bloggers to rally readership participation, and we’re very pleased to offer the blogger who refers the most readers $5,000!

We hope you’ll refer your readers with this link [removed] and let them know that by “Liking” the Buick Facebook page they’ll be given access to view a specially produced live event at the North American International Auto Show, Detroit (NAIAS) that will be live streaming on Buick’s Facebook Page.

Buddy, all I can say is: SHOW ME THE MONEY. Or give me a Buick. Then, we’ll talk. K? By the way, all those funky characters in your email tell me that you copied and pasted the text and sent out emails in mass abundance. FAIL.

I would like to take a moment to speak with you in regard to blu electronic cigarettes www.blucigs.com and possibly working together with your site. Since 2009, many of our affiliates have seen great conversions promoting blu.
With new upgrades to our product, website, and higher commissions paid this is the perfect time to promote blu! Sign up for your free account here http://www.blucigs.com/affiliates. We have banners/links for you to start promoting right away!

While I know my readers– all two of them– would just FLIP BANANAS to read a fascinating post about electronic cigarrettes, I’m going to have to pass. I mean, WHO ISN’T talking about this these days? I don’t want to appear to be a team player or anything. :grump:

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And that, boys and girls, is just a tidbit of what drops into my email box these days. If it isn’t the telemarketers on the phone, it’s the solicitors in the email. Sheesh.

Whoopsie!

:bananaguitar: There’s something wonderful about FAIL videos that make me feel not so terribly bad about my own fails. LOLOL

I used to live in an apartment with a metal roof. As soon as the snow built up a few inches, the entire roof would rumble menacingly, as if we were going to have an earthquake, and then, BOOOOMMM!!!!!!!!!!! All the snow would come rushing down with one big white swoop. Talk about a fat burner that works– any poor soul even remotely near the snowquake would soon become the next abominable snowman unless he ran like crazy.

Oh while I’m in the mood, this one is funny, too. Look at this guy go, he’s a human torpedo!

Makes ya wonder– the skier had PERFECT aim at that spectator’s feet, now didn’t he?

LOL!!! Yesssss!!

:fryingpan:

There’s been lots of flack about the TSA screening techniques, for good reason. As heinous as the screenings are, I do wonder why the media is giving this situation all their hype. It makes me wonder what’s REALLY going on, what really important news is being concealed? Hmm.

Anyway, looks like the government is doing everything it can to discourage people from opting out of the body scanners. Making lots and lots of people go through those backscatter machines is REALLY important to SOMEBODY out there. Makes me wonder if the reason they’re doing that is to test it out to improve the technology. Won’t be the first time we peons are the guinea pigs… Therefore the Gubmnt punishes folks who opt out, and forces folks to accept these “love pats” sessions, as that idiot Senator McCaskill called them.

The TSA says the whole reason for the body scanners and “love pats” is because some bombs are not constructed of metal– they may be plastic and therefore undetectable by the metal detectors.

Well, Jim Bohannon had a BRILLIANT IDEA. BRILLIANT. (In case you don’t know Jim Bohannon, see here). He had this great idea of ditching those body scanners and building big boxes that detonate bombs. Everyone wanting to board a plane would have to stand in the box first. If they were hiding a bomb on their person, the detonator would set off their hidden bomb, and they’d explode!

Talk about a crime deterrent!! I love the idea! It’s the best idea anyone has ever had since hoodia diet pills! It’s brilliant!!! It’s very do-able, too. I’m sure scientists could come up with a protoype in a couple of months!

What do you think?

Darlin’, LET GO of the leash when you play “Catch,” honey.

I think they both lose.

Lions prefer blondes. YIKES!

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Dude, LET GO OF THE POLE when it’s going in the wrong direction! :pinch: Road rash extraordinaire…

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Here’s a Richard Simmons apprentice-in-training. Oopsie. Better stick to the lipofuze reviews, toots.

THIS is why I never eat at IHOP.

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So there’s your laugh for the day. If you have done something stupid and want to be on the Internet– make a video and email me at crabbyblogginglady@youredumb.com!

Oh dear.

A billboard in South Bend, Indiana, is making big news. Apparently, the local school has a billboard advertisement touting the glories of pubic education. Exactly.

Photo taken from news story site.

Apparently, the billboard got through FOUR proofreaders, all who missed the “typo.” I’ll betcha they were all educated in pubic schools, eh?

So you tell me, is this just a typo?

A Freudian slip?

Or just another good reason why parents should home school their children?

Hmmmm