Crabby Blogging Lady

Gee, this borders on sick or something. But it’s what governments do, I guess. Just that… they just don’t do it with gummy bears, if you get my drift.

Gummy Bear Experimental Surgeries

The sites has heart transplants, limb transplants, Lipovox injections, and other really weird stuff… But this was kinda cute.

Gee, who knows, if New York State gets its way with forcing all New Yorkers to “donate” their organs (what a farce that is!), the Joseph Geobbels and mad scientists in Albany may have something like this in our capitol coffers!

I’d rather they keep their disgusting Frankenstein creations with the gummies… and leave us real people alone. Good God, what’s our nation coming to….

OMG I didn’t know Adolf Hitler hated cats!!! Was this some detail I missed in Mein Kampf? This truly explains why he was evil beyond belief!

(And I never liked Ike, either!)

The cartoon is from a funny site called The Oatmeal. But beware– the author, while extremely witty, has a strange and alarming tendency to depict people as one-eyed lunatics who get their heads whacked off with shovels. Wonder if he works in the short term health insurance NC industry…. postal jobs and insurance jobs can make a person a bit batty.

I did, however, love the Ways to Prepare Your Pet for War. The secret weapon unfolds:

BWAHAHAH!! It’s terribly vulgar but ya gotta laugh. Dogs are like that.

Pictures from The Oatmeal.

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Yes, I did go to Walmart today, how’d you guess?? I was soooo smart this time– I’m gloating– I brought my mp3 player and headphones with me to shop undistractedly! I was euphoric in my la-la land, but you should have seen the people look at me, as if I was something from Mars wearing funky window blinds on my head or something.

Well, OK, the headphones made me look like I had Princess Leia buns… but those teeny-tiny earbuds always pop out of my ears! And I guess it didn’t help that I kept singing along with the music… I’m not too bad, really.

Come on, this is WALMART we’re talking ’bout, home of the mulleted redneck! And they think I’m weird??

Once again, I’d like to remind my readers that the Crabby Blogging Lady is a humor blog. Yes, I discuss serious topics, and yes, my conversations can be quite caustic at times. But it’s all in HUMOR. Black humor, weird humor, whatever. If you can’t laugh or don’t want to read goofy ranting, then what the heck are you doing here at CRABBY Blogging Lady blog?!

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

Of course, there are some who don’t find anything I say funny; that’s either because I’m not being funny, or because they have no sense of humor. usually it’s the latter… but nonetheless, this is my ranting blog, I try to present my rants in an entertaining way (kind of like Ann Coulter, but uglier). If you’re looking for feel-good crap, go take a multivitamin or something. You aren’t gonna find much here. And I am a non-discriminator of zingers– politics left and right, kooky religion and atheism, man and women, kids and adults, Bush and Obama…. all fall under my discussion or complaint. Like YOU (unless you are perfect, and I will bet my money that you’re not), I rant also! I rant about DIFFERENT things than some people, and that is what seems to be their main beef; they get offended because I am not upset about what THEY are upset about. Go figure…

Well, here’s a funny picture, OK? Does this help make you smile? Or do you view it as cruelty to cats or picking on felines, and are going to sic PETA on me now?

see more Lolcats and funny pictures

I’d like to say THANKS to those people who have huge funny bones, who have taken time to leave comments and even smirk a little. You guys outweigh the dissenters, but it’s really weird how supporters can be rather quiet folk, while the dissenting, irate minority is as loud as a jet engine.

Have a nice day, folks.

So it’s another new year, hurray! Another year of ridiculous celebrity-watching, of watching politicians lie through their teeth (ho hum), of ingesting all the latest hype that the media dishes out. Wonder what we’ll have to endure for 2010. Big whoop.

And then there are, of course, New Year’s resolutions. When did this tradition start? Who made up such a dumb thing? Nobody ever keeps them! Bah. I’m going to break tradition. Instead of ME making New Year’s resolutions for me, I’ll make up some resolutions for you! How’s that? Yes, I thought you’d be happy!

• Gain some weight. Be a non-conformist! Who says everyone needs to be as skinny as Angelina Jolie, huh?! People, you are FINE as you are! Plus, once the dollar is totally devalued and our economy tanks, you’re going to need all the extra fat you can get, to survive the tough times. That is, unless you’ve been following Glenn Beck’s advice and have a basement full of potatoes for the coming depression.
• Stop buying cheapo Chinese products! Americans and other people in Western nations complain that there are no jobs, no work… you know why? Because the politicians that YOU have been voting for have outsourced everything to China! Heck, 1 out of 4 American babies are now made in China! This must stop! Let’s take our economy back before we have to start learning Chinese and Hindi! Buy American, vote those crooks out of office, and demand that laws be changed to favor American companies and not foreign investments.
• Stop expecting Trickle Down “hope and change.” Funny, the same people who despised Reagan’s Trickle Down economics now religiously promote it when it comes to “social justice” or “fairness.” Give me a break. You want hope and change? Make it yourself, in your own family first, then your own community. Quit thinking so monarchially– we’re a republic and government is supposed to start with US, not the other way around.
• Get to know your neighbors. Let’s build communities again. Build front porches again, clean up your town both of litter and juvenile delinquents.
• Throw out the TV. It’s crap. We all know it. But for some ungodly reason, people still keep watching that durn boob tube! And then, they go on Twitter and ALL they tweet about is what they are, have, or will be watching on TV! It’s insane!

Ah. Now that I have this all off my chest, I think I may just enjoy the new year. Have a happy one!

P.S. Be sure to keep me updated on how you’re doing with those resolutions. If you ever need a kick in the pants to get you going, let me know.

Here it is, folks! The All-Purpose, Industrial Size Crabby Generator! It’s just in time for the new year, and it’s SURE to make your friends people you know and family aggravated, right after they’ve made those lame resolutions to be kinder, gentler, nicer, and get better rates on rv financing (heh heh, how’s that one, huh?). This will prove if they really mean to keep those resolutions, or are just following the other lemmings with all that phony resolution stuff.

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. (I do something like this– purely on accident!– all too often)
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write “hush money.”
3. Specify that your drive-through order is “TO-GO.”
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. And cackle while you do it.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions “to keep them tuned up.”
7. Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what you think.”
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and “cc” them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words “in accordance with prophecy.”
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and “accidentally” flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. (I do this all the time, and it really works!)
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you “like it that way.”
16. Staple pages in the middle top of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers. (I do this; I also very sweetly say, “Excuse you” to shoppers blocking the aisles at WalMart.)
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
    “DO YOU HEAR THAT?”
    “What?”
    “Never mind, it’s gone now.”
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce “No, wait, I messed it up,” and repeat. (I have a nephew who has done something similar. Believe me, it DOES make a person crabby. VERY VERY crabby)
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn’t rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about “SWAT Team raid” “IRS,” and “ATF Bureau.”

moar funny pictures
Thanks to Chilly at On the Bricks for posting it. I slightly amended the list to make it even more delicious.