DON’T WORRY. I’m not going to hype this up any more than the idiotic press has done. I mean, WOW. Don’t we have any interesting murders or robberies in this country to report about anymore?
So the stupid virus is reportedly in my area of New York. Thanks to the dumb student who allowed herself to get breathed on by the sickies in Manhattan, uh huh. Not that I’m terribly worried. Swine or no, I don’t appreciate getting ANY flu. I haven’t had influenza in about 13 years or so, and I’d really rather not start. The last time I had it, I’d just given birth to my son. He got it, I got it, and my two other kids (aged 3 and 2) got it. THREE TIMES OVER that winter.
*insert sputters of seething hatred for all microscopic critters* 
Well, of course, ALL the news outlets here are just buzzing with activity, cashing in on, breathlessly spreading the hysteria reporting the solid facts. And for some really dumb reason, the news outlets have opened up a “forum” on their websites, where local people can chat and discuss the issues of the day. As if the news stories are not stupid enough (my local news stories always start out with something like, “It began as a hilariously happy day for John Smith of Elm Street that morning, but….”), we have to endure the comments from the local yokels, painful reminders of how much money we REALLY are throwing down the public school education toilet.
My point?
Everyone is basically saying, “Aw, send the kids to school– just tell them to use hand sanitizer!” or “Trust in our government, they’ll save us!”
HAND SANITIZER?! Government?!
Influenza is a VIRUS, hello?! It’s AIRBORNE. Hand sanitizer is going to do NOTHING. The only way to prevent the schools from being the cradle of modern-era plagues is to either 1.) shut them down, or 2.) tell the students to go to school but NO PICKING NOSES, NO SUCKING FACE, and NO BREATHING.
But we cannot close the schools, now, can we? NO! Doing so would mean that **GASP** parents would have to be unduly responsible for the little sickly urchins– for a whole 24 hours a day!!! For God-knows how long! It’s a fate worse than Swine Flu! Note to men: most women are not so uncaring and evil when it comes to choosing employment over a child’s health. Believe me, if there was a highly infectious disease and there was the slightest chance that my kid would get it, I’d QUIT MY JOB before I sent them to the local petri dish.
And then one other guy left a comment that “Even President Obama is asking us to be careful.” Oh my gosh, I am SO GLAD Obama is telling us this– I would not have realized it otherwise!
Yes, yes, I’m ranting. You would be, too, if you were forced to live in the same areas as these dumbkopfs. Holy cow.
Ah, but there was one lone voice of sanity amongst all the clatter (besides me, of course):
Well, now things are starting to look up! I’ll have to find out where this person lives! We’ll have to get together, maybe have coffee– no wait, that would be too hard to do while wearing those “attractive” blue face-masks. You see, I’ve decided to stand out on the street corner, that I may distribute those masks for anyone who passes by. Stupidity is horribly contagious and this PLAGUE MUST STOP NOW!
April 30th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I like the comment by WW5. Yep, the swine running the country. Funny.
April 30th, 2009 at 11:55 am
It is an epidemic. Run for your lives! They even interrupted The Price is Right for Bloomberg’s news conference. That tells you how serious it is.
April 30th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
I agree with you about the press blowing this flu out of proportion..Economic depression is not enough, they have to scare us sh**less about this too!
April 30th, 2009 at 1:56 pm
Fear the swine running the government, not the flu. Now that’s spot-on. Bwahahahahahahaha.
I see the two of us think alike.
Have a terrific day.
April 30th, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Personally I thought it wouldn’t be too bad to get it as then I’d get to go to bed for a while. Sad that.
I too fear the swine running government, and I don’t even think we live in the same country! Sigh.
April 30th, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Hey, Crabby Blogging Lady, if you are going to stand on a corner and distribute face masks, would you please do it in my neighborhood? All local stores are OUT of masks even though I have not seen ONE person wearing one. Could people be HOARDING them?
April 30th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
So who’s profiting from all this panic? Maybe it’s just a way to eradicate “unclean” piggies from the face of the earth! (Rings leper bell! Something weird is happening because this level of hype has no factual basis. IMHO.
April 30th, 2009 at 5:13 pm
Patricia, you don’t need masks– Obama will save us! Hahahahahhahahahaha!
April 30th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
Thank you so much for posting this! You totally made my night! I just LOVED the swine running the government! They couldn’t be more right!
May 1st, 2009 at 12:32 am
Am I the only one who thinks this “flu pandemic” may just be a “distraction”, one created to keep us from noticing that they passed a $3 trillion (!) dollar budget today? And all of the other assorted nonsense the government is carrying out while we freak out about a breakout of the flu?
Just curious.
Oh, and that swine in the white house line is classic!
May 1st, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Its just the annual pandemic panic. SARS and bird flu killed what, maybe a couple of thousand people worldwide. This will be the same. Your chances of catching it let alone dying are next to nothing. Carry on everyone. nothing to worry about.
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:03 pm
I enjoy your sense of humor. As I see it, I will get sick and cough all over my students (who have emotional-behavioral disabilities, i.e.
I figure by the time I return to school, they’ll all be home sick, heehee!
May 2nd, 2009 at 10:47 pm
I thought I could just ignore the whole silly thing, but got a memo home from our school district superintendent on Friday letting us know that if some idiot in our district kisses a pig, they will have to close our schools for a minimum of 7 days… make plans for childcare.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!
Roxy
May 4th, 2009 at 10:41 am
The only thing worse than The News(TM) is having to listen to Ordinary People(TM) comment on The News(TM).
May 4th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Nay, diesel. The only thing worse than The News(TM) is having to listen to Sub-Ordinary People(TM) comment on Ordinary People(TM) commenting on The News(TM).
May 5th, 2009 at 12:39 am
Having a Health and Human Services secretary wouldn’t hurt, either.