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Whysies

WHY don’t they hire HAPPY librarians or post office managers? There should be some sort of happy test that all workers must take, with happy ratings. If you are a nasty, cantankerous old curmudgeon, you shouldn’t get the job. Period.

WHY does my town have flashing yellow traffic lights at 2am in the still-busy commercial district… but run the regular green-yellow-red traffic lights at 2am in empty residential areas? I am baffled why I have to sit and wait for the lights to change on Elm and Park Streets… yet the lights are blinking at WalMart where it’s a dog-eat-dog driving experience!!

WHY will people so readily believe in alien lifeforms, evolution, and Santa Claus, but say they don’t believe in God or in Christ’s resurrection?

WHY do children have so much energy, and not adults?

WHY do rabbits, deer, and insects devour my flowers and vegetables? WHY don’t they eat the stinkin’ weeds?!

WHY do people believe things that are on the HDTV? WHY did people believe Walter Cronkite when he said, “And that’s the way it is.” No, that’s NOT the way it is. WHY was he believed?

WHY is there an “S” in the word “lisp”?

WHY don’t we ever hear father-in-law jokes?

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Telephone Solicitor Hell: We’re Doomed

As I’ve mentioned before, I have the absolute WORST luck and experiences with telemarketers. My phone rings off the hook, allllll day long, as we are bombarded with solicitors from every country, every accent, every organization…. it’s been a frustrating several months. I am a work-at-home mom, and therefore I am home to hear ALL the times that the stinkin’ telephone rings. Every time it rings, my blood pressure goes into the stratosphere. We’d already dumped the televisions because the lousy ads and horrid programming left me near insane.

Oh, that “Do Not Call” list is a crock, by the way. Oh, it worked for us back in the 90s, but ever since—I’d say about 5 — 6 years ago, the calls have been increasing. I was counting 15-20 calls a DAY, and only 1 or 2 of them were ACTUAL people I knew, and not evil solicitors.

Well, today’s the day I bit the bullet. I called my telephone service to see about changing my phone number. Doing so is very pricey here. They charge $50 for the courtesy, and then there’s the outrageous NY taxes upon taxes we have to pay for utility charges. But I was a desperate woman. I just wanted to FIND out what they were charging now, just out of curiosity. Armed with such knowledge, I could nag and nag Mr. Crabby and wear him down to get my way. I just wanted to see how much it would be. Not that we were going to get it any time in the near future, mind you.

HOLY COW the phone service said they’d do it for me for free!!!!!!!!! As a “one-time” courtesy gesture. Can you believe it?!?!?!?! I picked up my teeth from the floor and stammered Y-Y-Y-essss I’ll do it! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou! And guess what else?? The phone company said they’d change it TODAY! By 5pm!!!!

I was in seventh heaven all day long!!! Ohhhh the beautiful, peaceful day. It was like ecstasy, people. Just beautiful. No calls whatsoever– none of the annoying, shrill, digital undulations from that cordless black monster. Haha!

Then at 6pm…..

I got one.

UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My answering machine picked it up (I screen all my calls) and said they were SunWest credit agency, speaking in a British accent, looking for someone named Darlene Whoever.

OMG. A credit agency?! And HELLO did you hear my answering machine message! This is not the home of Darlene Whoever! We plainly state who we are in the message, and moreover we plainly scream that we hate solicitors and we will never talk to them!!

*cries*

It’s just too much. Lordy, I had THREE HOURS of peace, THREE HOURS. Why me? WHY WHY WHY?

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Dental Distractions

While gnawing my nails in the orthodontist’s waiting room, I flipped on my laptop to distract me. I found some funny dentist cartoons that I thought I’d share. There IS something about dentistry that makes us all laugh, now isn’t there? Ha. ha. ha.

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Modern Technology, My Eye!

**SIGHHHHH**

I’m at the orthodontist’s office, sitting in the waiting room. Boooring. Thank God for wireless Internet. My daughter is getting her braces removed. The office here is “open” with just partitions between the nervous mothers in the waiting room, the front desk with clattering telephones, and the orthodontists’ haven where they do all their work.

It’s driving me crazy.

I can hear the nasty sound of the dental drill from here.

It’s bad enough that I have to release my lovely and gentle young daughter into the hands of semi-strangers cloaked generic lab coats, who whisk her away to wrench their meaty hands into her small mouth and rearrange her delicate teeth. It’s sheer horror to hear the screaming of the drills, the clunking of the pipes, the growling of the motors.

And it got me thinking: modern technology– BAH! I’ll believe it when I hear it.

You see– they can put a man on the moon (at least, that’s what the government told us they did), they can create nano-microchips for computers, they can create atomic bombs and flourescent lighting and self-starting coffeemakers and fancy swirly skateboard ramps. But can they create a SILENT dental drill?! NOOOOO! Can they make a QUIET vacuum cleaner?!? NOOOOO! How about inventing a jackhammer that doesn’t kill your inner ear? How about making jet engines that only rattle the windows and not the bones of the dead and buried? Huh huh??

They’ve got it all wrong. Instead of making silencers for rifles, laser beams for warfare, stealthy aircraft for dropping bombs, why don’t they put technology to GOOD use, huh? The jerks.

Yeah, I’m a little tense. You would be, too. It’s bad enough having to endure the loathesome dentist experience for yourself; it’s another to have to sit for hours in a waiting room, hearing your tender young child go through it… :-p

P.S. By the way, guess what career my daughter is interested in? :-p

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Why Why?

WHY do the kids go through growth spurts when the clothing sales are over for the season?????

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WHY WHY??

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HA!!

HA!!!!

funny pictures of cats with captions
see more Lolcats and funny pictures

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