Crabby Blogging Lady

So this is another rant-about-Walmart post. :-p

In case it’s not obvious enough, I hate shopping at Walmart. Oh, the prices are OK (although they have steadily climbed, lately). The products are OK (if you like dented cans and cheapo Chinese crap). But the PARKING! Holy cow!!

Don’t people work JOBS anymore?!?!

I try to avoid the unwashed masses when I shop. I hate crowds of people. The melting pot of B.O., men’s cajun-style after-shaves, and nostril-burning insecticides that the women douse in, all drive me insane. Plus there are the young mothers who consistently shop only when they have a barfing, runny-nosed kid in the cart. And without a doubt, I am ALWAYS bumping in to these people. After such an excursion, I arrive home with stinky clouds of puke, Old Spice, and Chanel No. 5 on me. It’s a toxic mixture, enough to send the kids and the pets scurrying away. Ick.

So I choose odd hours to shop, that I may shop in some relative PEACE and QUIET and fresh, sanitary air. It used to be that I could shop somewhere around 1pm (after the lunch crowd had gone back to work, and before the little urchins were released from the concentration camps public schools). Not anymore! I don’t know what it is, but allllll day long, that Walmart parking lot is tightly packed with SUVs, and the store stuffed to the gills with shoppers.

It takes twice as long to shop because I am now dodging all these people with their 2, 3 grocery carts piled high with trinkets and snack foods (and these same people love to have long conversations with each other in the centers of the aisles). Something as simple as grabbing a pair of women’s shoes can take 40 minutes– 30 minutes to navigate the narrow aisles crammed with talking crowds of people, and 10 minutes to pick out and try on the shoes! And I won’t even TELL you about the check out lines!

Don’t people work JOBS anymore?!?!

There are old men, young men, old women, young women, kids and even a few dogs! What the ?! How can so many people fill these stores, shopping like maniacs, if they don’t work? Or has the world turned upside down while I napped, and everyone works at night now??

Is it just me? Are you finding the stores filled with “working age” people at all times of the day? Did I miss some amazing announcement by Obama, urging people to quit their jobs and shop their guts out at all hours of the day? What is going on?

This story is just tooooo good. A cop in Upstate New York was busted for stealing DONUTS! ooo, I could have such FUN with this story!

MORRISVILLE, N.Y. (AP) – Sgt. Steve Brody, a campus police officer accused of shoplifting pastries from an upstate New York convenience store will retire as part of a deal that avoids a criminal conviction.

According to his lawyer, Michael St. Leger, Brody has six months to retire. In return prosecutors will drop a petit larceny charge filed in October and allow Brody to collect his full pension.

The deal was reached earlier this month in a local town court.

State police said the 56-year-old Brody, who lives in Morrisville, was routinely caught on surveillance videos stuffing pastries into his clothing at a Valero Nice N Easy. The store offers free coffee to any police officer in uniform.

He was accused of taking baked goods worth about $30.

Part of it is the fault of the convenience store. They are offering *ONLY* free coffee to officers?! While a huge tray of delicious, cop-lusting donuts sits nearby?! And the cop is forced to have to purchase them? What cop wants merely free coffee?! The convenience store should have known this…

Still, I cannot BELIEVE that this cop is still getting his pension. Why are cops so pampered around here? There’s been a flurry of crime around here with cops, insurance agents, and lawyers (Mesothelioma lawyers??) as perpetrators, and they get off too easily. I think they should be dealt with according to the full extent of the law, just to teach non-cop criminals a lesson. All this guy did was steal donuts (snicker), but there have been others who’ve been caught stealing merchandise, extorting wages, and driving while drunk. THROW THE BOOK AT ‘EM! Cuz not only are they breaking the LAW, they are breaking the LAW that they promised to UPHOLD– their OATH. Doesn’t that mean anything, anymore??

Edited to add:

After writing this, I got this quote in my email:

“Crime is contagious.
If the government becomes a law breaker, it breeds contempt for the law.”
– Justice Louis D. Brandeis
(1856-1941) US Supreme Court Justice

A few months ago, I wrote about some redneck (who lives nearby) who has been spying on me– visiting all my blogs regularly, talking gossiping to neighbors, postal workers, etc. I now happen to see his little red car parked down the street frequently. In perfect view of my house and my backyard activities.

Without getting into too many details, I just wanted to:

• Say “hi.”
• Say “GET A LIFE.” Go take some Colonix, relax, and chill for a while. A loooong while.
• Let him know I know he’s around.
• If I catch you monitoring me, I’m calling the cops. The REAL cops, not the TV “Cops.”
• Remind my dear readers that in-laws who become ex-laws can rapidly become outlaws.
• Thanks to this guy, I will never run out of crabby fodder for this blog.

Hey boys and girls! My Uncle Jay is a wise, wise man. Ditch those economics courses, those massive 8-inch thick Amazon books on industry and government, and those cheesy, insipid CNN and FoxNewscasts– we’ve got Uncle Jay Explains the News! His latest lesson is about the Deficit! Can you say “We’re going to hell in a handbasket,” boys and girls?

This is my new favorite site! Who needs the Drudge Report and WorldNetDaily?! (Matt Drudge has never recovered from his 80’s Madonna addiction, anyway). Go, Uncle Jay!

I am a whacked-out, nutso, foaming-at-the-mouth cat lover. I sometimes warn Mr. Crabby that if he does not remain his sweet, cuddly self, I shall become one of those Crazy Cat Ladies, with dozens of kittens roaming the house, mewing day and night, and nuzzling my chin(s) nonstop. I have an insatiable appetite for warm, loving, hairy critters (which is, no doubt, the reason for my long and successful marriage). Needless to say, Mr. Crabby is quite cuddly. I’m quite sure this is entirely due to my charming and loveable demeanor. But, of course, he knows that he’d better be cuddly and nice, unless he wants me to suddenly cash in on that life insurance that is guaranteed issue… yah. Yah. lol (*to all you sourpusses out there– this is a JOKE!*)

Anyway, haha, I saw this video at AmyOops and immediately fell in love. What darlings! Yet if the cat owner REALLY wants to play the game, I suggest he whack a little harder, or at least get two, uh, whackers. Still, this video is ADORABLE!!!!!

So aren’t you just oozing with cat love?

I hate going to WalMart. No, not because I have to dress up and take out the hair curlers. It’s because whether going IN or going OUT, I have to walk through their X-Ray-beaming, RFID-checking, eye-retinal-scanning barriers at the doors. Man, I detest those stupid things. And one even dared to sound the alarm as I passed through– actually, as a GROUP of people which included ME were passing through. Of course the toothless WalMart “Greeter” targeted me as the klepto. I had a shopping cart stuffed to the gills with eggs, glass jars, and reading glasses, which he promptly rifled through. The knucklehead thought that I actually stole something– ME!!!! UPSTANDING, VOTING, WRITING-LETTERS-TO-THE-EDITOR ME! I highly suspected that it was a thug who snuck through the scanners at the same time as I did, and I tried to say so, but NOOOO. So I waited 15, 20 minutes for the doofus to check all my bags– all 30 of them– to finally vindicate my innocence. “Oh, sorry about that.”

Memo to WalMart greeters– any time you see a scowling lady timidly pushing a towering shopping cart across your lumpy, bumpy, obstacle-course, rocky-tiled vestibule, rest assured that it is 100% NOT HER who stole your cheapo Chinese gadget. Look for the smooth-talking, speedo-wearing, smile-infested thug skulking behind her. Dumbkopfs!

Anyway…

My point wasn’t to rail on about WalMart’s lousy exit strategery (although I did do a pretty good job, now didn’t I?), but rather to draw attention to those STUPID movie posters plastered all over those scanning robots at the Enter/Exit area. Come on, who are they trying to fool? You can’t hide those ugly reminders of anti-habeus corpus behind a bunch of lame movie posters. But I’m starting to hate the posters more than the scanners. The past couple of weeks, there have been some pretty raunchy posters. I don’t remember the titles of the movies, but I do remember seeing some girl named Aniston sitting half-clothed in a bed next to a guy… and another poster with an uber-busty brunette looking like her upper half was about to spill all over that tile floor there… and there was a really creepy one with Heath Ledger wearing lipstick and looking horribly ghoulish….

And the poster I saw today was some offensive drivel about a guy “just not being into you.” I haven’t seen the movie (probably won’t, either), but just looking at the poster gives me the impression that this movie is about guys who want “low maintenance” girls, which really just means they want an easy lay; and then, get lost, toots. How disgusting and rude. Why do girls agree to be used and then disposed, like a paper cup? And why make movies about it?

I don’t watch movies all that often– certainly not these– but what the heck every happened to decency standards in this country? And whatever happened to women’s lib in this country?? You know– that long-lost ideal that a woman should be judged by the content of her character and not by the color of her ****?! Did we waste all those years teaching our young daughters “Any thing boys can do, girls can do better”? Does it really all just boil down to women using low-cut dresses to break that glass ceiling? That the most important thing in a woman’s life is the latest phenphedrine review? What has happened to our culture?!

I heard a talk show host say, several years ago, that if an alien were to land on planet Earth and take a good look around, he’d come to the conclusion that our global culture– by and large but especially the culture of the Western world– largely caters to the teenage boy. …or to those who *think* and *act* like teenage boys.

Gawd, what an awful thought. But, I think he’s right. Our humor, our movies, our art, our literature… all these expressions of our culture are consumed with the bodily functions of 17-year olds. And even the women of the culture (women traditionally have had a softening influence on society) are instead promoting the barbarism, increasing the angst and chaos. Is this the kind of world I want for my daughters, a kind of world that deems whether they are HOT or NOT based on how much cleavage they are willing to show?

Gah!