Crabby Blogging Lady

Just feeling grouchy today, no reason necessary, no reason given.

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On second thought, it could be that the stinkin’ overcast skies are back! All last week it was so sunny and warm– we actually got above 40 degrees last week! It’s been MISERABLE this week… heavy gloom, drenching rain, and cold as all get-out. My bones can’t take much more. Stupid weather.

The Crabby Blogging Lady tracks her blog traffic. The Crabby Blogging Lady uses StatCounter to monitor traffic patterns and visitors. (Lawd, I sound like Hillbilly Willy! Gah!).

*slaps self*

OK, where was I? Ah, yes.

I like it when other bloggers post about their search engine keywords. It’s entertaining to read about what other people are searching for and where they wind up. So I thought I’d do it, too! I checked my StatCounter for “keyword analysis.”

It was empty!

What?!? Unbelievable. OK, maybe I did it wrong. I clicked in my StatCounter account for “recent keyboard activity.”

Nothing! Again!

Seriously, what is WRONG with people! My blog is LOADED with keywords! My posts are FILLED with relevant search engine DATA!

Well, maybe it’s because I ragged on dumb ol’ Google, and they’re punishing me. Whatever. So they kill my PageRank and prevent search engine traffic. Ok, I’ve learned my lesson, Google! I’ll kiss your collective butts if you would JUST GIVE ME SOME relevant keyword activity! Is that too much to ask?!

Yeah, whatever.

Well, in the SPIRIT of PRESUMED relevant keyword activity, I think I’ll make up my OWN. I mean, hey, I do searches. I would LOVE to find ME at the end of a rainbow. OK so here we go.

• gorgeous babes who blog

PERRRRRRRRRRFECT. How may I help you?

• crabby office lady blog

I admit it. I’m a plagiarist. She shoulda reserved all similar names. Finders keepers!

• does God beleive in atheists

Well, yeah. He’s nice like that. Not like me, I don’t believe in them. BTW you spelled “believe” wrongly.

• why do men like dogs and girls like cats?

Honey, it’s simple: women are smarter than men. Ha!

• association of barbie haters

Meeting Thursday at 7pm.

This was fun! I’ll have to make up more relevant keyword activity again. It’s almost as easy as making up all my new friends! And who needs Google, anyway? Muahahahahaha!

I’ve wondered this for years. I canNOT believe the absolute crap that our culture will tolerate, calling it music. I mean– Britney Spears?! Mick Jagger?! Paris Hilton?!?!!?!?! I used to work in radio, I know a thing or two about pop music, BMI, Top 40 charts, etc. For years, the logic behind the tastes of modern music has eluded me.

Then a few years ago, I read a news story about SONY paying off certain radio stations to play their music and fabricate their placement in the charts.

Ah yes, it all became clear then.

And why are Christian music artists so dismissed? They even had to create their own music awards show– the Dove Awards– because the Grammy goons wouldn’t give them an inch. Have you ever heard the music of Steven Curtis Chapman? Hillsongs? Delirious? Libera? Keith Green? Why not? Why aren’t these people allowed to have their songs played on the radio? Why must their music be sidelined for only “Christian” radio stations? Are people alergic to songs about God? Or is there some bigoted reason? Its certainly not because Christiansdon’t produce superior quality music, because a good deal of their music is far superior in quality and production to a lot of the gunk piping through the radio transmitters.

Here’s a good example of an INCREDIBLE singer. I have never heard of this guy– Aled Jones. Apparently, he is from Wales, England. His singing is just stunning.

Why aren’t guys like him on “regular” radio stations?? It’s so unfair. And why are all singers looking the same? I mean, you have to be really slinky like you’re promoting best weight loss pills or something, have slinky clothing, and a “come hither” look to even get a record deal. Who cares what people LOOK LIKE?! It’s MUSIC.

It just totally eludes me.

I hate Google. Even more than I hated them last time. They STINK.

I started a new cooking blog. TWO WEEKS ago. Slammed with a Page Rank 0.

Allll my blogs– all 10, 12 of them, have PR 0. As SOON as I start a new blog- even when there is no PR update scheduled (as Google schedules them every three months or so)– they are hit with 0. Wha?! Do the jerks at Google have nothing better to do than watch me build a new blog? Their finger poised over the great big red button, ready to zonk out my blog?! Is it a CRIME to start a new blog, now?! Do I have to ask Google’s permission, or butter them up first?

JERKS!!! You know what you can do with your lame, arbitrary Page Rank. You are becoming less and less relevant, Google, even though you’re swallowing up other companies left and right. (I hate it that they recently gobbled up Feedburner). Bloggers are an independent people (that’s “demographic group” to Google), so you know what that means: WE WILL FIND A WAY TO BLOG WITHOUT YOU.

Dang, I’m mad! JERKS!!!

P.S. Half of my blogs, including this new cooking blog, are not monetized. So PLEASE don’t leave any comments about how Google hates monetized blogs, sponsored posts, yadda yadda. I am so fed UP with that as an excuse that I will delete those comments.

P.P.S. Any Google cheerleaders leaving bright, shiny comments about how philanthropic and heavenly is the Lord Google will also be deleted. Leave me alone in my crabbiness, k?

THIS just GETS MY GOAT, folks!!!

After all of these years, could some long-standing children’s books like The Cat In The Hat actually be dangerous for your kids?

It has nothing to do with the content of the books, but the physical makeup of the books themselves – some of them may contain high levels of lead.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission, or CPSC wants children’s books printed before 1986 removed from shelves while the agency investigates levels of lead in the ink used in many old picture books.

The CPSC says there’s little danger of lead poisoning from the old books, but it’s asking the nation’s libraries to get rid of them just to be on the safe side.

…The CPSC request is voluntary, but it may become part of a law that would mandate it. No word on an exact date of when that may happen.

WHA?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!!

• 1. This would eliminate 99.9% of the books currently in print!!!!! What would we be left with??? Modern propaganda and novels filled with women in sexy lingerie , that’s what!
• 2. I have been reading these antiquated, lead-loaded books ALL MY LIFE and I TURNED OUT JUST FINE!!!!

OK, maybe that’s not a good argument….. *mutter mutter* But WAIT, there’s more!!!

• 3. “Some” “may” contain “high levels of lead.” What a crock! Eliminate all the books first, then check them?? Idiotic!! Stupid!!
• 4. This is highly suspicious because it is a federal agency doing this. And they “may” make it MANDATORY?! Heck, let’s skip the pretensions– just have a great big bonfire, Feds! Come on, we know your true intentions, here. Yeah, they mock Cat in the Hat, but how about 1984? How about all those original writings of the founding fathers and etc? How about Adventures of Huckleberry Finn? Gone With the Wind? Uncle Tom’s Cabin? Should we expect a Book Squad to enter our neighborhoods? I can see it now– squads of armed, helmeted men in bullet-proof vests raiding homes and libraries across the nation, confiscating the DEADLY books. It’s all for the CHILDREN, mind you!

The idiotics in our bureaucracies never cease to amaze me! Is there no end to their ineptitude and stupid, inane ideas?

Good gravy, I have GOT to get me one of these…

Thanks to My Camera, My Surroundings for the great photo. Made my crabby day!